Nostalgic Journey Continues

I have always had this kick when I travel. First is the challenges that one encounters - unknown faces, unknown land, unknown future....thats all I need to figure out - the unknown.

But after traveling and figuring out 4 cities on my own I feel enough is enough. Does that mean I have given up. Life's over. Or maybe entered mid-age crisis. Yes somethings not going right.

In retrospect I have never been like others. I have been different or maybe its just me who thinks so. I am like everyone else - unique yet common.

But when I look back I may have done things differently even in my childhood. When kids of my age were playing I used to be on my own - talking to my plants, walking around in the garden, collecting bugs, beetles, fireflies, looking at different insects and even in the car I used to lie down in the rear of our Beetle and eye the sky. Not look out of the window :)

But when asked to play I was pretty good in outdoor and indoor games - badminton, volley ball, carom, and chess. I learned being a stand up for my bro's when they needed another person to be able to play the game. :)

We moved to different locations the pressure of trying to be part of new people was difficult. All the schools had kids who studied in the same school right from their childhood. And none of them ventured to friend me but that didn't stop them from treating me as a novelty, Which was depressing at times but later I took this in my stride. I was befriended by others who had changed schools or kids from Defence background. IIt exposed me to varied cultures and traditions. But I knew one of us would move on - transfer to a new city. And this made all my friendship very superficial.

I guess being on my own instilled this sense of independence. Till date I never seek help not even from my own friends. Whenever I do I feel why the hell I could have done on my own.

My college friends settled into their roles as professors, teachers and the usual roles. But I did otherwise, moved out and chose a different world. At times when I think back what would happen if I had completed my PhD  would my life be different? He always said I would be a good asset into education. I didn't become what actually he had envisioned but education and teaching I took up a different form.  

Moving and discovering new things and places just was into me. And the independence - do things on your own - helped me make myself comfortable when I moved on to stay on my own. I figured getting a house, signing the lease, buying equipments, setting up a house - gas connections... and even managing it all on my own. And that too in unknown land where people spoke a different language. It was a struggle actually real difficult but I knew I had just one chance and had to give it my best shot. If I fail then I will have to quit. And thats what I didn't want to do.

And there are times when I have this sudden feel I have reached my limit. I find my future uncertain and want to give up. I can see myself ranting about my situation. This can't be me. I can't ever give up nor can I go around sharing negatives. I have to tackle this situation - its just a passing phase. Tomorrow I am gonna look back and cherish this phase as the best phase of my life. Can I make this happen? Of course I can.

Often I sit and look back to figure out where I am heading to and almost always I reassure myself that I have had a good life. I remind myself of the times I survived without a job, my rented home with lease expiring, my dwindling bank balance and rising expenses, still hoping for my dream car, and also my dream home...and other similar "Dreams.  I have loads of stories to share when I am old. I do feel proud of what I have achieved and I am sure my dad up there will also be a wee bit proud of his haughty daughter.

So off I go and set up my own venture. The foundeprenueur in the making. Ready to take the plunge…wish me luck and blessings and if possible funds too! :)